“Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.” ― Woody Allen
We men have a pretty hard time figuring woman out. It sometimes feels like we’re analogue creatures in a world of digital women. They are wonderful, fascinating creatures, enigma’s wrapped in riddles, behind codes we can only hope to one day decipher.
Most men think one of the deepest mysteries is how to please a woman in bed. They even reference books like the “Kama Sutra” for ideas and different positions. We haven’t even figured out why it’s so damn important to us that we satisfy them. But we soldier on, like brave knights into a darkened forest without lantern or maps to guide us.
We’d no sooner discovered the clitoris when we were off in search of the G-spot. I know gynecologists that don’t believe in it! We were only able to appreciate what the clitoris was because they told us it was like a penis, but on the inside, and thankfully, we all know how that works.
But the G-spot… I didn’t used to think you could find it with a wet suit and a diver’s helmet. The only evidence us men have of its existence is by examining the shape of the new dildo’s that are designed to reach it.
In fact, other than that, the only type of evidence we have of its existence is akin to that of the Sasquatch. Shy, reclusive creature that lives deep in the underbrush and has only ever been discovered accidentally by men who were either hopelessly lost or drunk, or both.
Why Woman are So Difficult to Please Sexually
Men are easy to please sexually. That’s because the male G-spot is situated at the end of his penis. Pretty much anything a partner does to it will feel good. It can be lightly flicked, licked, poked, squeezed or stroked and men are happy.
Once a woman becomes skilled at pleasing 1 man, it’s pretty much a ‘copy and paste’, ‘plug and play’, solution for ever man that comes after.
The same is not true of a woman though. A man can meet a woman and spend months, nay years, perfecting the exact set of skills to please that particular woman.
That particular set of skills is worth exactly zero when he meets the next woman. The next woman might have an “internal clitoris” or a “shy G-spot” that either doesn’t want to be found or is in a totally different place.
And don’t think that, just because every woman has these wonderful gifts of nature, that she knows where to find them. Oh no.. Articles written for woman entitled (and I kid you not) “Where is my clitoris, do I even have one?” and “How do I find my G-spot?” strike terror in to the hearts of men. “If she’s not even sure if she has one, how the hell am I supposed to find it?!” is the question I am posed.
It’s little wonder the institute of marriage was invented by a man. Marriage was likely a covenant developed by a guy who had just had enough of starting from scratch each time he was dumped.
The Good News
The good news is that, with a little guidance (both from informative literature and from your partner) you will be just fine. Also, the benefits of good sex are significant. We certainly don’t need science to back this up, but just for fun, let’s take a look at some reaffirming stats.
According to a study published in Biological Psychology, sex can help lower stress-related blood pressure. Another study found that it can help improve memory in women (no wonder they’re so good at remembering our blunders).
Other research points to the fact that frequent sex can help relieve pain. It’s also believed to reduce the risk of heart disease, boost immunity, improve sleep, increase self-esteem, and even lengthen your lifespan. Also, it doesn’t feel half bad. Sign me up!
But the benefits of sex may be mitigated by the quality of performance before, during, and after. Everyone needs a little guidance now and then (according to a few studies, some of us need a lot of guidance).
So, here is a list of 25 sex tips for men regarding everything from sex positions and dirty talk to tactics, aftercare and orgasm guidance.
Think of these tips as a cheat-sheet to help elevate the description of you in bed from “okay” to “yes, yes, yes oh my god yes yes”.
The 25 Sex Tips
1. The Best Foreplay Begins Early-on In the Day
No, I don’t mean popping in at work for a “slap and tickle”.. I mean that sex does not begin and end in the bedroom. Do your best to keep up sexual communication throughout the day, especially if you have plans to get it on after work. Send out a raunchy pic around lunchtime. Forward over a suggestive meme. Let your partner know you’re thinking about them in that way, even when you’re apart.
Flirtation is important to maintain within a relationship. It’s a fun way to punctuate the day. Hold on to that energy, when at home and when not. But please be mindful of your partner’s mood and situation. If she’s dealing with raging PMS and is about to be retrenched, a dick pic with a thumbs up may not be the best idea.
2. Pop Sex into the Diary
Sure, the idea of planning sex doesn’t sound super-hot, but it can help keep things on track. Life is stressful. People get busy. And too often, sex is one of the first things to get bumped lower on our list of priorities. Putting sex in the diary can help reposition it back on top.
Besides, knowing what’s waiting for you later on gives you something fun to look forward to throughout the day. Don’t be tempted to start the “meeting” early when you both get home, stick to the appointment time. If your partner tries anything premature, just tap your watch and say, “I’ll be with you in a little while”.. it’ll drive them wild (or you’ll get something thrown at you. Either way, fun!)
3. Take a Sexual Excursion
Surveys suggest that people tend to have more sex when on vacation than when at home. Of course, not all of us enjoy the luxury of being able to travel whenever and wherever we want. So, start small. Get it on in the car (while its stationary). Or even head out into the garden. Small shakeups in the routine can have a huge impact on your attitude towards sex.
4. Don’t Fall into a Routine
Maybe you’re a creature of habit. Maybe you found a move you really like. Maybe there’s a sex position you typically gravitate towards. It’s good to celebrate the stuff you like. But try not to make that the only thing you do during sex. People crave novelty, especially in the context of a long-term relationship.
Don’t let sex become monotonous. Make an effort to mix things up. Grab her when she leans over to get her groceries out of the boot and make a meal of it (if she’s receptive that is. Obviously don’t try pin her down with the milk and veg if she’s trying to get away)
5. Do Some Sexy Research Together
Bringing new ideas into the bedroom can be a little intimidating. So, do yourself a favour and invite your partner to join you on that quest. Watch some porn together. Read some erotica. Talk about what’s out there and discuss what seems appealing to you both. In that way, you and your partner can both avoid the fallout from any awkward rejection. Do not pay more attention to the porn than her, do not become annoyed if she pays more attention to the porn than you, especially if it was your suggestion.
6. Use Your Mouth
No, not like that (we’ll get there soon enough). I’m talking about using your words. Communication is key to any satisfying sexual encounter. Remember your Conversation Skills, and talk to your partner about your desires and expectations for sex. Remember, you can’t deliver them a good time if you don’t know what they’re craving to begin with. No magazine or book can tell you exactly what your specific partner wants in bed, so just ask.
7. Seriously Though, Use Your Mouth
Or your hands. Or maybe your torso. Hell, you can even put your feet or nipple to work if that’s what gets your partner going. The point I’m trying to make is it’s important to diversify the sexual experience. Standard penetrative sex isn’t known for delivering sexual satisfaction to all parties. Research has confirmed that women typically require a variety of sexual stimulation to reach orgasm, like oral sex for example,so make sure to play around in different ways.
8. Get ‘em While They’re Hot
If you really want to make sure you’re getting a good share of sex, you might think about embracing the quickie. It allows you to enjoy sex and get on with your day in a timely fashion. You can always save the cuddly stuff for later. Think about employing the most convenient positions possible. Standing doggie is always a great option for folks on the go. She can brush her teeth AND do her hair while you’re “working out back”.
9. Explore Other Erogenous Zones
When it comes to sex, we tend to jump right to the genitals. But the reality is that we have a multitude of erogenous zones on our bodies, and not all are located below the belt. Some women find having the nape of their necks caressed extremely erotic. Others like having their armpits touched. Some people say nipple stimulation alone can drive them straight to orgasm (though these seem few and far between, sadly). Remember, it’s important to take the time to explore all our potential pleasure centres. If you get kicked or slapped, make a little mental note to avoid that “pleasure centre” next time.
10. Talk Dirty
Talking dirty during sex can feel like a daunting task. After all, no one wants to sign up to feel stupid. But the reality is that dirty talk can really elevate the sexual experience. It allows you to communicate what you like and what you want to do to your partner in an exciting way.
It also helps keep you in the moment. If you don’t know where to start, take some advice from Dan Savage and “describe what you’re going to do, describe what you are doing, and describe what you just did” (kinda like a PowerPoint presentation for the boss but hopefully with fewer questions at the end)
11. Occasionally, Try Getting Off Before Sex
If you’re worried about orgasming too soon during sex, try knocking one out beforehand. After ejaculation, men experience a refractory period, a span of time whereby the body can recover and replenish after orgasm.
Chances are, having a go at it alone will help you last a bit longer with your partner. This is a young man’s trick, if you’re pushing 50 you might want to test the waters with this one so you’re not left explaining how “it’s never happened before”.
12. Try Out Some Toys for Her
A good majority of women require clitoral stimulation in order to reach orgasm. And some like that stimulation to be strong. Like, machine-level strong. Think about picking up a small sex toy like a vibrator, one that doesn’t take up too much real estate. If it’s the size of a chain saw with a rope pull-starter, you’re going to battle to follow that one up.
Try busting out a moderately sized toy the next time you’re having sex. It will give you something new to focus on and it will give her the intensity typically required to achieve orgasm during penetration.
You’ll notice some of these bad boys have a G-spot stimulator. Watch closely how she manoeuvres that puppy, you’re going to have to find your way back to the holey land with your digits when she’s done. If you didn’t pay attention to where she placed it, play the “hot or cold” game if need be.. that little bugger is up there somewhere..
13. Try Out Some Toys for You
Contrary to popular belief, sex toys aren’t just for women. But be very careful with this avenue. Do not let her choose a sex toy for you. Choose your own. And do not ever, ever ever, allow her to “surprise” you with a sex toy (especially if you’re blindfolded or bent over). That is potentially something that will mentally scar you for life (not really).
There is tons of stuff for you to choose from. Strokers, massagers, rings and other accessories designed for men to pleasure her. The market has also expanded so as to include toys designed for couples to use together, during sex, adapter type apparati. Shop around, and see what you like. You don’t have to use it every time you get it on, but it’s always nice to have something on hand in case you’re in the mood to mix things up.
14. Don’t Forget the Lube
Personal lubricant just makes everything better. If she occasionally gets a little nervous or you aren’t wonderful at causing showers while you work, or if you’re both just up for a little “uphill gardening”, then lube is the little helper product for both of you.
Also, if you’re using toys, stick to a water-based lube. If you’re not bringing toys into the mix, you’re free to expand your selection to include silicone-based products. Lubes are specifically designed to reduce friction during sex, which can otherwise cause some discomfort, especially when trying something more adventurous. If you forget the lube, then skip the activity rather than cause discomfort. Don’t be tempted to use household items as lube substitutes, the word “virgin” before “olive oil” is not a sign.
15. Entertain Different Kinds of Orgasms
Guys tend to gravitate towards penile orgasms, though it is important to point out that other pleasure centers do exist, and are located inside their bodies. The prostate is known to produce such intense orgasms it’s been dubbed “the male G-spot.” It can be accessed internally, through the anus, or externally, via the perineum. . Be open minded about this one. If your partner is keen, see where it goes.
16. Embrace Your Adventurous Side
There’s nothing wrong with good sex, no matter the variety. For some, “vanilla” play is most enjoyable and this typically satisfies in new relationships. But over the years you and your partner may begin craving something a little more “complicated”. Talk to your partner about what interests you both.
Role-play has proven to be an incredibly popular way to live out our sexual fantasies. Explorations into kink are another. Spanking can be a fun way to ease into role-play sex. Some light bondage can also work. The point is, there are countless forms of sexual expression to explore, and explore you shall (with her permission of course). Have fun with it, go to a bar separately, pretend to pick her up and take her home. It’s important to point out though, if she allows herself to get picked up by someone else and spends the night away, you’re going to need to sit her down and explain the rules again.
17. Keep Up A Healthy Masturbation Routine
Sex is an incredibly important aspect of any relationship. But, even when in a relationship it’s important to maintain a healthy sexual relationship with oneself. So, do yourself a favour, and carve out some time in your day for solo sex.
My caveat here is, if you are living with your partner and you’re turning down sex with her because you’re “not in the mood” but you’re still masturbating in place of sex with your partner, then you’re off side mate. You are a team here and if you’re married or living together, give your best to your partner. If you can masturbate and still fulfill your partner’s needs, by all means, go wild.
18. Try Joint Masturbation Exercises
I know; it’s hard to keep your hands to yourself when naked in bed with someone else. But masturbating side by side with a partner can be a lot of fun. “Mutual masturbation” can help educate you on all your partner’s hidden idiosyncrasies as they relate to sex, and vice versa. Keep a very close eye out for what gets her going, and keep it in mind for next time you guys go at it. It’s the perfect way to find out what turns her on if you’re too shy to ask and also to show her what turns you on in case she’s too shy to ask.
19. Do Your Kegels
You eat healthy and you’ve been keeping in shape by hitting your Home Workout Exercises but what about your Kegel Muscles? You can do some very impressive things in the bedroom if your work on this area. If you aren’t sure where to locate them, try cutting off urination in the middle of your stream (not when you have 10 beers to expel, it’ll hurt).
The muscles responsible for this action are connected to the pelvic floor. The stronger the muscles, the better control you’ll have over your erection, orgasm, and ejaculation. Your partner will also be impressed and turned on if you flex your Kegel Muscles while inside her (like a finger puppet).
20. Consider Maybe, Possibly Making a Sex tape
Watching other people have sex has become somewhat of a global pastime. On average, PornHub receives around 92 million visitors to the site a day. But, why spend your time watching porn when you can be making it instead?
Well, for one thing, watching yourself in the act can be like hearing your own voice on an answering machine for the 1st time, cringy. Some folks are not excited by the prospect of having an HD video Camera record their love making sessions but, at least broach the subject, you partner may surprise you.
For couples interested though, making a Sex Tape functions as a fun activity and a nice little ego boost. The best thing is to keep your options open and discuss what might be fun. That’s the joy of sex with a long-term partner. Of course, before you go ahead with any plan, you’re going to need your partner’s explicit and enthusiastic consent.
21. Consider “Edging”
Orgasms feel good. Like, really good. Which helps explain why we spend so much time chasing them. But delaying that gratification can really pay off in the end. Edging refers to a form of orgasm control whereby an individual decreases stimulation as they begin to approach orgasm. This allows you to enjoy a longer sex session with your partner and a stronger orgasm once you release. Tantric sex is another way edging can be explored. If you’re prone to “lover’s balls/Blue balls” though, it’s best to just finish up, it’s not worth the discomfort.
22. Sometimes, Forget About Orgasm All Together
It’s important to remember that sex is not a race towards orgasm. Positioning it that way takes away from the intimacy and intensity the experience can provide. Besides, putting too much pressure on orgasm alone can mess with your head. It takes you out of the moment and away from your partner, and that’s a perfect recipe for unsatisfactory sex.
Some women don’t find achieving orgasm very time easy and if you’re running it down, she will feel that and be even less likely to get there. Just be present and focus on pleasuring here without the end in mind. As in life, you stumble upon things more readily when you’re not looking for them.
23. Don’t Underestimate Her Pleasure Points
Our bodies are amazing vehicles for orgasm. Many women gravitate towards clitoral stimulation as a means of achieving orgasm. Some prefer internal stimulation, more targeted towards the G-spot. There are also women who enjoy cervical stimulation, which can be delivered through deep penetration.
Others prefer to access their pleasure points through anal penetration. The point is, there are a lot of different ways to make a woman cum. Talk to your partner about her particular preferences, and act accordingly, you don’t want to spend 5 years playing the organ when she’s more of a base girl.
24. Practise Sexual Hygiene
For sure, sex is supposed to be a little messy but there are limits to how gross you should get. If you and your partner are both fluid-bonded and monogamous, then you don’t necessarily need to worry about condoms and STI’s, but that doesn’t mean you’re off the hook. Make sure to wash your hands, face and beard before and after getting busy.
The last thing you want to do is introduce any bacteria to your partner’s intimate areas. If the 2 of you engage in some anal play, be mindful not to “cross pollinate” to ensure no infections happen. And hey, it doesn’t hurt to have a clean penis, either. You don’t have to scrub it up like you’re going to be using it for brain surgery but, give it a little once over at least out of respect for her.
25. Don’t Forget About Aftercare
It’s important to remember that sex doesn’t end after orgasm. Embracing your partner after the fireworks is an integral part of the process. A nice cuddle helps communicate intimacy and affection, and those are two very important things to prioritize in any relationship.
Sex is wonderful. It can be a beautiful expression of love or a fun thing to enjoy safely when you’re young, and everything in-between. We shouldn’t be shy or ashamed of it or our bodies in any way, no matter how we were raised or what some religions say. Sex in all forms (including masturbation) is a natural, healthy way for us to enjoy our bodies and each other.
Have lots of it in every different way you or your partner can think up. It’s the most wonderful gift 2 people can share with each other so, be responsible, respectful and safe. Don’t take sex or your partner for granted or expect it if you haven’t earned it. Love is a verb not a feeling, so work at your relationship and at pleasing one another and all your years together will be blissful and full of hot sex!
Thanks for reading..
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